“Tree Hackers” Mine City Streets For, Um, Open Source Bark

Sheezus, what a sucky time in Philly to be a tree. While most of us are still recovering from the South Street Tree Holocaust (is anybody else totally freaked out by The Day After vibes that now charge the street with fucked energy?), there’s a new tree threat: HACKERS! No, not that kind: It’s worse! Dudes with hacksaws STEALING BARK off of trees! (Wait, can you make drugs or money with tree bark?) Says Nancy Goldenberg of the Center City District:

Recently we have spotted a rash of tree damage mainly around Walnut and Chestnut, between 10th and Broad streets that is causing us concern. It appears as though someone with a very sharp, almost machete like instrument is going around cutting large slices of bark off of younger trees. And last we noticed, it looked as if the tree hacker was returning to the same sights and cutting the same wound, as if to eventually cut the tree in half. See attached photos. Most of these trees are being maintained by the CCD and many may die from their wounds.

This city. This fucking city, man.
Previously: Ol’ Sweet Gross Gum Tree, You Will Be Missed

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Call For Submissions: Now Their Stories Can Be Told

Media Bureau. CPCN. Phillymusic.com. Dummytown. Brainsoap. CDNow. Maybe these words and phrases mean something to you. Or perhaps, ten years ago (or more), you were in Philadelphia, embarking on your own journey through this bold and new thing called The Internet. Got a story to tell? A long-forgotten favorite site? Or perhaps your own failed startup that only now, says your therapist, you can reflect on with any clarity whatsoever? We want to hear from you, today. Because all next week, we’ll be doing posts on the story of the Internet here in Philly. The forgotten corners. The now-quaint victories. The hilarious pratfalls. If you’ve got a story you’d like to tell on Philebrity about The History Of The Internet In Philadelphia, send it (along with a relevant picture or screengrab) to tips[at]philebrity[dot]com with “PHILLY INTERNET HISTORY WEEK” in the subject header. At last, history beckons you. And this time, it’s not necessarily written by the winners.

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Readers Cameraphone: Hulk Hogan/Steven Bloodbath Love Child Spotted In SEPTA Concourse

Seeing something around town of note? Cameraphone it to: tips[at]philebrity[dot]com.

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Philly-Based Video Bloggers Detained In Beijing For Pro-Tibet Protest

You may know Brian Conley and Jeffrey Rae from their much-noted video blog, Alive In Baghdad, which compiles weekly video feeds from Iraqi citizen journalists on topics related to daily life in present-day Iraq. Or, chances are, you may just know them from around. On Tuesday, Conley and Rae were detained along with three other activists (and possibly more) after a series of pro-Tibet protest actions based in Beijing during the Olympic games. (Above is video shot by Conley at a protest on August 13th.) Not much is known right now, other than this, according to FreeTibet2008:

At 12:30pm Beijing time on Tuesday, Conley’s wife in Philadelphia received a text message from him reading “In Jail. All fine.” A “twitter” message to Students for a Free Tibet suggested that they were being held with James Powderly, the artist and co-founder of Graffiti Research Lab who was preparing to debut a new work and technology of protest, the L.A.S.E.R. Stencil.

We’ll be following this story closely. If anyone comes across info on how to register support for Conley and Rae and their fellow travelers with the Chinese government and U.S. Embassy, respectively, please pass it along, and we’ll gladly repost.
FreeTibet: Videobloggers Detained [via BoingBoing]

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Radio Crimes: WPHI, 100.3 The Beat

It’s been said all the way back since the advent of television that radio — good old fashioned terrestrial radio, not satellite or Internet — is in its final death rattle. If that’s true, it’s been an unbearably long, gruesome and cruel death… and it’s still going on! Or could it be that radio plays to all of our better media instincts, absorbing personalities, demographics, and the best and worst traits of either, and therfore could survive infinitely? We don’t have the answer to that, but this summer, Philebrity intern Dan Pierson will be listening to a different Philly-area station for a full hour once a week, blogging what he finds, and then publishing those findings here. After the jump, Dan reflects on Philly’s Interactive Hip-Hop and R&B, WPHI 100.3FM The Beat. (more…)

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T-Minus 2.5 Hours Until Tuesday Evening Drinks And ‘Lab

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Evening Bulletin: “We’re Still Desparate”

The reborn Evening Bulletin has always rather been on the absurd side of ridiculous. We guess since the Inquirer hasn’t come packaged with the hearts of Communists (we would eat them to gain our enemies’ strength) since the Annenberg years, there hasn’t been enough red meat journalism (read: saber-rattlers who haven’t been to war, say, or racists who haven’t met a non-white person) in this town. The Bulletin? It fills this hole in our collective hearts.
And to get to those kids today, they’re soliciting “creative submissions” from kids 15 and younger. We think we know what they’re thinking: “Whitney Swarthmore III and Jenny Paoli are totally going to write us stories about how they captured and killed Osama bin Laden, but only too late realized it was Barack Obama, but hey, either is fine with us!” But what they’re going to actually get are confessionals about growing up gay on the Main Line (which sucks, by the way — graduate early and go far away for college as soon as you can!) or confessionals about grade school waxing disasters, without too much in between.
So here’s our idea - let’s help ‘em out! You, dear readers, should make some stuff up — crazy reactionary fantasies, weird patriotic fetish tales, whatever. Submit it to the Bulletin. And if it runs, please send us links (or more likely, scans, as that website blows). Because everybody knows that Monkeybrains are for eating.

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Tyler School Of Art Moving To North Philly, Pledges To Cut More Glory Holes

There’s this big article today in the Inquirer about the Tyler School of Art finally moving its lazy ass from Elkins Park down to the main campus after twenty years of dithering. This should be good for Temple, because art kids, while sometimes ultra-irritating, tend to give a bit of a spark to their surroundings. Good for Temple, good (hopefully) for North Philly, etc. Probably more underage kids trying to sneak into our bars, but as long as they keep the moping to themselves and keep us informed of any developing awesomeness among the kids today, that’s cool.
But then, buried deep in the article, we come across this:

The school has come up with creative ways to squeeze them all in. A garage behind the aging mansion has been transformed into a glass studio. With only two “glory holes,” or furnaces, students have to show up at dawn to get a turn.

A garage. Behind a mansion in Elkins Park. Only two glory holes. Showing up at dawn to get a turn. We’re trying to work in a Bill Cosby joke here, but it’s not really working out.
Anyway, we know there have been staff cuts at the paper, but come on. This is the kind of thing you try to sneak into your middle school newspaper and see if the eighth grade English teacher/adviser catches you or naively thinks you’re too young to make glory hole jokes. Comments haven’t degenerated yet, because almost nobody but us actually read that far into the article, but one “johnnydomino” says “Nothing worse than having to get up early for your turn at the glory hole.” We agree. Sigh. We agree.
Inky: Increased Number Of Glory Holes Expected To Raise Temple From #14 to #6 In Art School Rankings
Urban Dictionary: Inquirer Copy Editors Don’t Read Us, Ever
Wikimedia Commons: From Where We Stole, Er, Borrowed That Glory Hole Picture Above

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Noontime Nuggetz: Madonna, “Everybody,” Dancin’ On Air, Circa 1982

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Live Arts/Fringe Fest Ditches Cabaret, Hires Fergie, Opens “Festival Bar”

For the last few years, The Philadelphia Live Arts Festival & Philly Fringe has been undergoing an effort to sort of re-invent itself: As the Fest moves into its second decade (the first one was back in 1997), its audience has gotten older, competition with other events has gotten stiffer, and currently, a recession looms large over the ticket-buying public. But looking at this year’s schedule, the Fest has already met with some success. Responding to the frequent cry that the Fest is too long by half, this year’s Live Arts schedule seems manageable, and well-thought out. (Meanwhile, the Fringe schedule is a behemoth, with so much going on that even if there is anything of note there, you’d be hard pressed to find it yourself.) One of the most controversial changes this year, though, will be the Fest’s dismantling of the Fringe Cabaret, the nightly after-hours hodgepodge of great and unbearable (but mostly unbearable) performances, traditionally curated by ’90s refugee Scott Johnston. In its place, the Fest is presenting what it’s calling Festival Bar, in that old porn warehouse space at 5th and Fairmount, as its nightly post-show gathering/drinking spot. (Here a word of warning is due: This intersection is pretty much the most easy place to get yourself mugged in the entire city.) With installations by media artist Lars Jan and photographer Jacques-Jean Tiziou, the Festival Bar will be headed up by alternate mayor/barman Fergus “Fergie” Carey, and feature food by local restaurants including Tiffin and Konak. (A full schedule of DJs and events is expected next week.) It’s a decidedly different shift from Fringe afterparties of years past, but lovers of tired drag acts and cankle burlesque (canklesque?) in Philadelphia cannot, will not be kept down: In a Myspace blog last week, Johnston announced the lineup for this year’s “Unofficial Fringe Late Nite Cabaret 2008,” featuring all the usual suspects. Note the post before the schedule, dated back in May — “Current mood: betrayed.” Mmmhmm.

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After All That Tropic Thunder Stuff Last Week, We’re Not Touching This One

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OBidenWatch®: Could It Be?

“Now listen, Joe. So far, that CNN intern we paid off to ‘accidentally’ say that I picked Evan Bayh has everybody saying that dude is way too milquetoast, which is interesting, but Time and ABC are still pointing to you, but then other people still think it’s this Haine guy all the way IT IS ALL JUST SO, SO CONFUSING! Do you hate me? No, really, do you? I promise this will all be over soon.”

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City Council Tries To Put First-Ever “Don’t Be An Asshole” Law On The Books, Only To Find — Duh — It Has No Room To Talk

Let’s get this straight, once and for all: Philebrity wholeheartedly supports any and all laws banning the use of cell phones in automobiles. There’s just too many assholes out on the road, and most non-native drivers on the streets of Philadelphia can’t be trusted anyway. But we have a novel idea: How about City Council members not just making their own law irrespective of the rest of the state, thereby making the City’s own law unenforcable and lame? (After all, this isn’t guns we’re talking about, so it shouldn’t be a problem.) And how about some other asshole lawyer not offering to represent anyone burned by the “Don’t Be An Asshole” Law before it’s even been floated in council? Argh. Hold on, I gotta take this call. [DN]

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Blind Item: Who Is Helping Girard Ave. Get *This* Much Closer To Getting That “Official Live Music District” Status?

This, Ladies and Gentrificationmen, is currently slapped on the window of the old Global Thrift at Front and Girard. Holy moly, that’s a big space, bub! You can fit a lotta bar in there, no? Maybe even some music? Developing…

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Captain Freeshit: Win Tickets To See Steve Coogan In Hamlet 2 This Thursday!

You know, were it not for Steve Coogan, the site you’re reading now may not exist. (Well, there was also that bit about all the print outlets in town botching their websites for years at a time, but that, friends, is a story for another time.) Because after all, it’s Coogan’s portrayal of Tony Wilson in 24 Hour Party People that has always given us hope where none previously existed; the valuable lesson that within down-on-their-luck cities, myriad opportunities exist; and the very worthy notion that contracts written in blood are hard to break, and make you feel kind of high based on the amount of blood one loses while writing them. Coogan is back on the big screen with Hamlet 2, which opens on Friday, and was good enough to sit down with our own Collin Flatt — as well as Nathan Lerner and Jared Miller — recently when he was in town. Part one of our interview is above; watch the trailer for Hamlet 2 here. We’ll run Part 2 later this week, but in the meantime, we also have tickets to give away for an exclusive screening of Hamlet 2 on Thursday night. To enter to win, send an email to ihopeiwin[at]philebrity[dot]com with “KNOWING ME, KNOWING COO” in the subject header. We’ll pick winners on Wednesday. Good luck!

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Sean Agnew Finally Photographed Wearing Something Other Than “Ardmore” Hoodie

And it’s a “Do”-ozy.

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“Fast” Eddie The Last Living Person In The World With A Working Fax Machine

Once in a blue moon, someone will ask that we fax something to them. Usually, we stare at them for about five beats, say yes because we don’t know what else to say, and never, ever send the fax. During those five beats, we’re silently meditating on the topic: Who uses a fax? We now know.

Rendell’s associates say time is frozen for him in the pre-Internet era. [...]When aides or friends need him, they dial him up.
“You call or fax,” said John Estey, a friend and former chief of staff. “He’s still a guy who says, ‘Fax that to me.’ “

[Silence.]
Inky: Just The Fax, Ma’am

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Noontime Nuggetz: U2 & Bruce Springsteen, “Stand By Me,” JFK Stadium, September 1987

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If Wishes And Buts Were Handfuls Of Nuts, We’d All Have JOE BIDEN AS VICE PRESIDENT! Weeeee!!!

It’s no secret that we here at Philebs love us some Joe Biden, and oh, let us count the reasons why: He’s the only person we can think of who is smarmier than ourselves, he’s East-Coast Direct in that way that finally makes it clear that people from other parts of the country are simply not as smart as us, and, oh yeah, he’s also a fantastic political pragmatist and, not for nothing, kind of a sexy beast. When he dropped out of the running for Prez, you may recall, we wept openly. But over the weekend, with Biden all over this Georgia thing like white on rice, chatter levels regarding a Veep spot for the Big Biden went through the roof, and boom, it’s Monday morning and dude is riding high and lookin’ good! We don’t need to tell you why this would be a major victory/Defining Moment for Smarmy People Everywhere, and, on the real, Biden is just the kind of Bad Cop that Obama’s stringently Good Cop regime would require. We’ve seen Biden on Real Time With Bill Maher, and we know he does not suffer fools well. So, yeah: Biden. Let’s do this, America.
Wonkette: Joe Biden Is Totally Going To Be Veep Nominee
Previously: Joe Biden, We Hardly Knew Ye

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