BY JOEY SWEENEY | In all of the ways that history is a wheel and how every vibe shift creates a ricochet of unintended consequences that will predicate ever more vibe shifts, right now the movies are calling you. Desperately so. Consider the last five or so years of moviegoing through these bullet points:

• Streaming takes over as the film industry keeps dragging the same fail whale vibe it’s had ever since the dawn of VHS.

• In what might have been the ballsiest, craziest move in recent moviegoing history, MoviePass comes along and produces sheer chaos and flames out quickly.

• Then, the pandemic came, striking a potentially mortal blow for movie theaters that still has the industry stunned. 

Those are the cheat notes, of course — it’s summer, so feel-good movie news about Gentleminions and Thors percolate as quick hits — but that’s not really the point. Movie theaters are struggling, full stop, but even as this has been happening, another butterfly effect vibe shift is also in play:

There might not have ever been a better time for you, as an individual, to disappear into a theater in the middle of the day like you’re the blueprint for the Life of Riley. Consider this: More of us are working from home than ever before. COVID understandably still scares the average moviegoer, even though theaters are big, often well-ventilated spaces, many of which wound up sinking even more money into their ventilation systems during their shutdown(s). More than all of this, one simple fact remains:

Unless it’s a blockbuster — and sometimes even if it is — the weekday showings of movies these days are ghost towns. 

To wit: The Landmark Ritz Five currently has a $7 discount daytime ticket for all of its movies. Adult matinee prices at either PFS Bourse or PFS Film Center are $10 and $9, respectively. On several Mondays and Tuesdays over the last few months, my partner and I have gone and seen whatever’s playing: The most people we’ve ever seen at one of these screenings would top out at about ten. 

Must be nice, you say. Well, it is. Those of us working from home enjoy great privilege that those bound to location-based work don’t get to enjoy. But guess what? We’re also playing ourselves like a bunch of suckers:

And so here is your small way that you can buck your work guilt and reclaim your time. Next Monday, tell everyone you’ll be in a meeting at 1:30. It’s with an exciting new client. His name is Marcel The Shell. (With shoes on.)

You’ll be back before anyone notices.