BY BETTY J. SMITHSONIAN |  Have you walked around your block 156 days in a row? Have you passed the same squirrel each day and the only change has been which piece of food she has scored from the trash can? Apple. Pizza. Cigarette. Apple. Pizza. Cigarette.

Same thing every day, same spaces every day, we call it the quarantine doldrums, or Quar-Drums. 

I want to assure you that there is no need to be bored of your spaces. As a longtime resident of Philadelphia, I have used quarantine as a way to explore even further. I have found and properly vetted 5 TOP SECRET SPOTS where you can chill and be safe and enjoy a sense of discovery and newness.

5. The North East side street next to Siddiq’s Water Ice

Siddiq’s serves delicious frozen REAL FRUIT water ice while booming sweet jams through a giant loudspeaker on the sidewalk. It is not the sidewalk in front of Siddiq’s that I recommend, but the street adjacent, Irving Street, where you can chill away from the crowd, enjoy your real fruit water ice, and be reminded of the before-times. Eat your sweet treat, then close your eyes and have a one-person dance party imagining you are surrounded by all of your favorite people. 

4. The floor of your own closet

As a lesbian. I will say that this one cuts close to the gay. I came out of the closet before Ellen and was thrilled by the freedom it gave, but I cannot deny the comfort and security of going back into the closet right now. It is a beautiful and soothing isolation. I lay on the floor, looking up at the hangers holding my starchy work shirts that haven’t been worn since March. It is nice in here. No cell phone signal and no light. I am away from the sounds of the other people in my house chewing and breathing. I cannot read any online comments saying “COVID-19 is a hoax” or claims that racism has been over since the ‘70s. I can only hear my own breaths and chews. I am eating candy in here, obviously. Find a closet and get into it. It will calm you. 

3. Cobbs Creek Park Nature Stage

I don’t really understand directions, but looking on a map, this spot is in the middle to bottom left hand side edge of the city. There is a path that leads to an outdoor stage of sorts, where hand-made wooden benches align in a semi-circle awaiting someone to walk out onto the dirt stage to entertain.  Perhaps you will see a deer. Perhaps you will see me about to do some stand up in nature. Either way, it is a dreamy thing to happen upon. This is a beautiful outdoor makeshift theater where you can sit and chill and read or write while imagining a future day when we might all be inside theaters again, watching a live performance. Overall, Cobbs Creek Park feels like the greatest discovery I have made in Quarantine. It is the most underrated and perfectly picturesque part of the city. The dense forest creates a decent sound barrier from the busy streets just a few yards away. There is a creek, a walking path and quiet. Enjoy.

2. The Swing.

There is a swing that hangs from a GIANT tree that stands in a forest near the river. It is a big enough swing that you can glide in midair from back to front for a full 10 seconds and it feels like you are floating. This is the grandest feeling. Shaded and gorgeous. If you decide to visit this swing, bring some anti-bacterial gel to use on your hands as the germs of swingers’ past might be on those ropes, but trust me, reader, it is worth the risk. Due to concerns of having to share this swing with others I will only give the coordinates. You are on your own after that. If you make it there, you earned it.

Also, here is a picture of my future bride enjoying this swing. 

1.  In the middle of a protest.

I will argue one of the safest and most perfect spots during quarantine is in the middle of a protest. So, get to a protest.* If you are white and like me, you are 450 years late, but you can still jump in and follow the organizers who have been rallying out here for a long while. Join.

Since Q began, I’ve been to about 15 protests and have felt safer there than at a South Philly ACME. These rallys, marches, and protests, outdoors in the middle of pandemic are also more energizing than any other spot I have found myself in. Everyone wears a mask (except the cops). People are handing out food, water, hand sanitizer, masks, sunscreen and supplies to the protestors. And shit is happening!! Protesting works. The Rizzo statue came down, Columbus statue came down, Philly schools went virtual and Comcast is finally succumbing to public pressure to get students and teachers in Philly access to the internet as a right. A large group of people are responding to the truth that the power of the people is more potent than the people in power. 

These are just a few ways in which things are not staying the same, things are changing, little by little. 

In order for change to happen, you have to do something.

In order to see something new, you have to do something new.

So, folks, you have your assignment.  Get to a new space and place. You can do this. Adventure and change await.

[*/Footnote: A protest can look like showing up in public, and also boycotting, making a donation, calling out racist ideas, insert one million other ways to throttle systems of white supremacy and injustice. Google it.]

Betty Smithsonian is a comedian and creator and helps run Free Fringe. You can follow her on Instagram @bettysmithsonian and Twitter @handstandstore. She wants you to know that if you want more on tree frogs, visit here.