​[SCENE: Gentrifier coffee shop, South Philadelphia, 2:21pm Thursday afternoon. The shop is jumping.]

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ME: New Philadelphia freaks me the fuck out, I'll be honest with you.

FRIEND: What happened?

ME: Nothing, I just walked through the room on my way to the bathroom, took this place all in, and had that thing happen, that like what-the-fuck-happened, where-am-I feeling.

FRIEND: Oh I know that feeling.

ME: See, 'cos here's the thing: When everyone is cool, NO ONE is cool.

FRIEND: But then where do you go?

ME: The beach!

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[END SCENE]

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