WATCH: Han From Han Dynasty, Schoolly D & Many Other Philly Sketchballs In A Suuuuper Low Budget Gangster Movie

This is the thing that no new influx of polite young people from the Midwest, no bike lanes, no farm-to-table horseshit will ever be able to get around or past: Philly is greasy, sketchy, and janky as all hell, down to its soul. Which is why you have the continuing presence of Byko, long after many other American cities would have (quite rightly) run him out on a rail, and it's why you have the competing "Fringe cabarets" each year (one that is sanctioned, another that everybody is kind of embarrassed by but then we all go to it anyway), and it's why you also have things like the above. As best we can tell, Sinner City is a real movie, probably directed by your cousin's aunt's son, who your other aunt put you in touch with because "he wants advice and he's a good kid" and then you open it up and you're like, fuck, did dude make this on an iPad? To be clear, none of that happened to me, but it's that kind of thing. In any case, this thing is apparently a full-length deal, and there is, of course, a "Black Carpet Screening" of it at Han Dynasty in July. Ask your uncle's boss' daughter to see if you can get put on the guest list.