In an incredibly short space of time, GoPuff - the home delivery app started up here in Philly by two Drexel bros - has scaled its way into a handful of major markets and your phone as well. (Some of us more than others.) In the process, they've accrued literally millions in venture capital and stoner godhead status, simultaneously. But if we are being honest, none of this is as interesting to us as the sheer variety of crap GoPuff has on offer. Behold, some shit we are not buying on GoPuff:

I don't know how stoned you have to be to order a hoverboard off GoPuff but when Kat Williams texts me back, I will let you know. 

I applaud the progressive thought that led GoPuff to carry Plan B, as well as the implicit honesty of the statement contained by the act: Sometimes, mellows get harshed.

Does it come out of the package smelling like moldy ballsack of my college roommate? 

You know, you could totally charge another $20 for that, and get it. 

GoPuff, you are evil.